Breaking: Browns Release D’Qwell Jackson

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(Source-““We had positive discussion with D’Qwell and his agent over the last several days, and we came to the mutual agreement to go in different directions. D’Qwell is the epitome of class, leadership and professionalism. Every day of his NFL career, D’Qwell has been a solid representative of the Browns and the City of Cleveland, both between the lines on Sundays and off the field in our area community. We want to thank him for his eight years of service and wish him nothing but the best in his future endeavors.”)

Well shit. I loved D’Qwell but he just wasn’t worth the money and was getting old. I trust the moves Pettine will make with the defense, so I can’t necessarily hate this move. Need to draft well at ILB, though.

Former Browns CEO Joe Banner Demanded Coordinators Report To Him Directly

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(Source: Recently ousted Cleveland Browns CEO and former Eagles President Joe Banner structured the Browns’ coaching staff in such a way that the offensive and defensive coordinators reported directly to Banner and not head coach Mike Pettine, according to a report by CBS Sports’ Will Brinson via CBS Sports’ Pat Kirwan.)

Joe Banner…he…The Browns are headed….I’m glad they fired him but….no. You know what? Fuck it. Here’s a bunch of hot chicks. Fuck that guy.

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Taco Bell Breakfast Is Coming

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Ok so this has been the buzz of the internet the past few days. Taco Bell Breakfast. The most diabolical of all fast foods ever created. Going down the list, I can’t imagine myself ever going out of my way to get any of this because breakfast food is literally the easiest thing to cook in the world, and if you can’t do that, then get the fuck out of my face. But seriously, this is probably going to be the biggest splash in the fast food game this year since the Shamrock Shake came back a couple weeks ago.  Let’s analyze this a little further:

I haven’t gone too in-depth on the T-Bell site other than taking a screenshot of the menu, but the Cinnabon Delights look like the only thing I would ever try. I love breakfast food but I don’t really trust fast food eggs; they’re spongy, have very little taste, and are probably not too much egg. The Cinnabon Delights have to be what I imagine are something like the cinnamon twists that you only get if you go with girls or are extra blacked out at T Bell, filled with cinnamon roll icing. Knockout punch by the Taco Bell team. Everything else, though? Fuck that. A waffle taco? A crunchwrap with spongy egg in it? You know what you’re getting with Taco Bell too, it’s not like what’s shown above in their marketing picture is even remotely close to what your $1.00 will get you there. I don’t really know what to expect from this other than a blacked out night of me ordering everything on the menu and waking up with a ruptured spleen and failing liver, or this could actually be a turnaround for Taco Bell, we’ll just have to wait and see.

In Case You Missed It: Movoto Says Wickliffe Is The Best City In Ohio

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(Source: “What makes this city so amazing? How about it’s weather, low crime, and low unemployment.”)

The author of this list is David Cross…

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No, not our friend Tobias Fünke from Arrested Development, schmuck who’s never been to Ohio (or likely out of his living room) who is writing articles for Movoto.com. Movoto is apparently a “Real Estate Made Easy” site but I don’t know how many houses you’ll be selling in these cities. Let’s check out their top ten cities in Ohio:

  1. Wickliffe (near Cleveland)
  2. Montgomery (near Cincy)
  3. Blue Ash (near Cincy)
  4. Willowick (near Cleveland, kinda)
  5. Perrysburg (near-ish Toledo)
  6. Powell (Between Columbus and Delaware)
  7. Mason (near Cincy)
  8. Upper Arlington (pretty much in Columbus)
  9. Willoughby (kind of near Cleveland)
  10. Findlay (Middle of Nowhere)

Woo! Ohio! They made sure to have the tagline “Columbus, Cincinatti, and Cleveland aren’t on the list,” but failed to mention that 9 out of 10 of the cities are pretty much suburbs of them. How can you make a list of “the best cities in Ohio” and fail to mention A. the three largest cities, and B. the cities in which more people are definitely moving to than any of the cities you listed? Ever been to Columbus or Cincinnati? New buildings and people flocking like crazy. Cleveland has even seen an influx of people moving back into the city, with places like Tremont, Ohio City, Lakewood, hell, even east side cities like Cleveland Heights and Shaker are seeing people move there. Go ahead and list the best suburbs or places to move if you’re not looking to move into a city, but don’t be going around telling people “these are the best cities to live in Ohio, period” unless you actually know what the fuck you’re talking about.