I Know It’s Fake But I Kind Of Wanna Beat Up The Guy In The BMW Commercial That Broke Up With Brooklyn Decker In High School

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(Source — Now she is one of the world’s sexiest swimsuit models gracing everything from magazine covers to the big screen, but Brooklyn Decker swears it was not always this way. While it is hard to imagine that the 5-foot-9 curvacious blonde was ever an ugly the ducking, the 26-year-old has sought the help of her makeup team to show what she used too look like – and the results are far from cover girl worthy. The wife of Andy Roddick posted two photographs of herself being transformed back into ‘High school Brooklyn’ on her Instagram on Tuesday, complete with glasses, badly curled hair, braces and even pimples.)

I mean, yeah I guess she wasn’t always the most beautiful person in the world but everyone kind of grows into their bodies, right? Some, a little more than others, but B-Decks hit the gene lottery. I kind of want to kick this guy’s ass because he fictionally had a shot at her. Like, I don’t even think you  could pay me a billion dollars to fake break up with her, she’s too perfect.

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Don’t know don’t care if this is real (NSFW)

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Why Anyone Wouldn’t Welcome Lebron Back To Cleveland Is Why Cleveland Can’t Have Nice Things

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So Lebron is able to opt out of his deal with Miami this summer and become a free agent. It’s the summer we were talking about that fateful night in July 2010 while the whole city was downtown blacking out because the best player to ever throw on a Cavs jersey skipped town. People are still pissed about it in Cleveland and it completely boggles my mind. Let’s try to analyze this from both sides of the aisle.

From the Cleveland purist point of view, Lebron is a deserter. Lebron left town while things weren’t all that bad for Chris Bosh, D-Wade, and the Heat, creating a triumvirate of douchebag that ended up actually winning 2 championships. Without throwing the video on here, we all know that was a little bit of an underachievement for the Heat Big 3 and now they will pretty much have to blow it up and start over from scratch. That’s gotta be gratifying somewhat for the Cavs fans that don’t want Lebron back. Guy said he was gonna win like 10 championships there and is gonna walk away with 2, and 2 losses. From this point of view, you hope Lebron just stays in Miami while the Heat dwindle into obscurity with their seemingly ancient roster.

From the “fuck you idiots I’ll take him back” point of view, it’s a complete no-brainer. Face it, Lebron is in his prime. He’s the best basketball player in the world, and he’s gotta be one of the top 10 athletes. The guy is a freak of nature and if you’re from Cleveland, you know that from his days of hooping at SVSM. How could you NOT want this guy on your team? Do you remember the team he took to the Finals in 2006-07? Fucking squid city. He singlehandedly took Cleveland to the promised land and, albeit, getting your dicks kicked in by the same dudes who JUST did it again wasn’t the outcome you wanted, but it still showed that the dude is one of the best to ever do it. Pair him with Kyrie Irving and you got yourself an immediate title contender.

I find myself kind of on the fence of this issue, leaning more towards “duh, bring his ass home.” I fucking HATE those “BRING LEBRON HOME” billboards and kids running around with the tee shirts. I saw one at the mall once and literally asked him why he’s doing what he’s doing because it’s a bad look and he just said “You just don’t understand, bro.” Be more hipster, you troll. You can’t. The hot chick that dumped you never gets back together with you if you act like a pussy and beg her to come back, that’s just not how bitches work. On the contrary, though, I’m so sick of losing, it really is pitiful. Have you ever stepped back and looked at how really bad our teams have been the past few years? The Browns have been atrocious, the Cavs are always a year away, and the Indians are there but haven’t been able to take that next step. We need firepower in Cleveland. With Lebron and Johnny Manziel in the city, that really couldn’t be any more attractive to free agents looking to make a move this off-season (cough cough Kevin Love). Cleveland’s on the rise and this would not only make the city the center of the sports universe (at least ESPN’s) but would likely bring  championship a lot sooner than later. That’s what we’re all after, right? Its been 50 years since our last major championship, why not go get one than “do it the old fashioned way” through the draft and good coaching? Grow up, it’s 2014, shit doesn’t work that way. Maybe in college sports but in pro sports you need to flex nuts and go get the big time players or you’re going to be stuck in 1st gear while everyone else is blowing past you.

World Cup Starts Today

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The biggest sporting event in the world that happens every 4 years starts today. Whether or not you like soccer, this will be in your face for the next month. Personally, I’ve been excited about this since the last World Cup, and I’d be willing to bet a lot of Americans are just as excited as I am. You have to be some kind of ignorant hardo to think that this isn’t a HUGE deal. As John Oliver said, “You may not care about this, but the rest of the world does.” Literally a BILLION people will be tuning in to watch the matches from Brazil from around the globe and many have made the trek to South America to root on their teams. This year, more than any World Cup before, has shown more hype in the States for our team than ever, even while being in the group of death. It all kicks off today at 3:00 on ESPN with host country Brazil taking on Croatia. Needless to say, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I not watch this game in my office.

If you’re one of those idiots who are like “soccer is so stupid it’s for pussies” I beg you to watch some matches of the World Cup. Players across the globe who have made millions of dollars playing Soccer could give a flying FUCK about their bank accounts and just want to win one for their country. It’s the pinnacle of sports, better than the olympics. So much on the line, and it’s so A+ entertainment being in Brazil. Gives me goosebumps just thinking about this shit. Remember 4 years ago when Landon Donavon scored that goal against Algeria to put the US through? What if that happens this year against Cristiano Ronaldo and the Portugese? What if we finally get retribution against the Ghanaians? What if the US sparks the upset against the Germans? All starts for the US on Monday against Ghana. LET’S GO.

I…I BELIEVE…I BELIEVE THAT…I BELIEVE THAT WE…

 

 

Hot Sports Take: Lonnie Baseball Curb-Stomps Rangers, Tribe Are Rolling, and The Tigers Are Sucking

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Decent night for these guys.

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12 runs in 4 innings, casual.

So Lonnie Baseball absolutely shit down the necks of the Rangers single-handedly last night, capping off a 3-1 weekend + Monday series for the Tribe. Three series wins in a row while the Tigers are shitting their pants and we’re right back in the AL Central race, 2 games back as of this morning. I don’t think there’s an argument as to who is the hottest team in baseball right now. Pitching has been stellar, the bats are out of control (sans our “big bats” in Santana and Swisher), fun times in Cleveland again!

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Big games coming up tonight and tomorrow, as the Tribe look to separate themselves from the rest of the AL Central. 2 in KC tonight and tomorrow (day baseball, YES) and then 4 in Boston and 4 against LAA. Huge games. This time last year, I’d say the 2 against KC are potential wins and the rest are up in the air. Not now. They need to get a mini-sweep against KC and do what they did to Boston last week. Hoping the pitching can stay hot for the LAA series, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, they just need to keep doing what they’re doing and keep it rolling. Tito has that clubhouse looking like they did in the late 90’s and it’s kind of starting to freak me out. October baseball isn’t a goal anymore, this team looks like they can be pennant contenders if they’re playing this way in late September.

#RollTribe baby

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Monday

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My brain isn’t working yet. Devin Brugman. (Yes, she’s been on here before. Yes, I don’t give a shit.)

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Have a good one.

 

 

 

Cleveland Family’s Cat Gets Shot By Some Jabroni Walking Down The Street, Caught On Camera

You gotta be the dumbest fucking person on the planet to do this. I’m not the biggest “cat guy” in the world, but I’m not gonna pet one, walk away from it, run back, and shoot it in the back. That’s just fucked up. The fact this happened in Cleveland, though, doesn’t shock me. See, here in Cleveland, we don’t have as many murders at the frequency that a New York or Chicago do, but we do have dipshits that walk down the street in what seems to be a pretty decent neighborhood at 3:30 in the morning shooting cats. That’s a Cleveland given. You gotta be officially brain dead to do stupid shit like this, everyone has a security system nowadays and most of them have cameras. It’s 2014, bros. Cant be doing shit like that anymore.