It’s A Bottom-Line Business: Browns Lose Ugly In Buffalo, Brian Hoyer Era All But Over

 

I tried, man. I did my best to keep it real all 13 weeks leading up to today. I said “be patient, it’s going to be okay with Hoyer in there.” Well, for 7 wins, I was right.

For 5 bad losses though, boy was I wrong. This one hurts…bad.

Miserable day running the ball, even worse day passing the ball, terrible special teams per usual (if they didn’t cut Cundiff before he got on the plane it’s a travesty) and a banged up D equals one bad loss. Joe Thomas probably played the worst game of his career, and the D simply ran out of gas at the end of the game.

I think Mike Pettine has a lot of balls for what he did. I don’t think it was a demand from Mr. Haslam.  I don’t think he made a change because the fans have been crying for Manziel, the crazy idiotic fans who are still wrong about how they support a team from their city; I think he made the change because he felt it was necessary, and it paid minor dividends with a garbage time touchdown. Whether or not the decision gets us to the playoffs remains to be seen, but given what the Browns have done thus far, and with the right people in charge, there’s still a decent shot. I think he was just letting Hoyer off with some dignity by saying “we’ll evaluate tape and have more on Wednesday,” but I think Johnny is our guy for the foreseeable future.

So ends the Brian Hoyer era, not necessarily going out the way I expected, but we’re Browns fans so this can’t come as much of a surprise. You gotta think that after benching him today mid-game, the leash has run out on Hoyer being our starter. Hopefully a week with the 1’s will get Johnny’s timing down with Gordon et al, and we will need a big game out of him next week if the want any shot at beating the Colts.

Pour one out for #6

 

 

Tension Relief

Kind of a rough one last night on the web. Here’s a bunch of pictures of Alexis Ren who should simmer things down a little bit.

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It’s A Bottom-Line Business: Browns Win In Atlanta To Move To 7-4

Again, it wasn’t pretty. There’s little to take away from this game other than the Browns won, but hey…the Browns WON.

The team of misfit toys who were written off at the beginning of the year will be playing meaningful football in December. When’s the last time you heard that? The Cleveland Browns will be playing a meaningful set of games in December. THE CLEVELAND BROWNS.

For 59 minutes, the Browns looked like the “same old Browns,” dropping passes, abysmal QB play, etc. etc. But the last minute of the game (and with a little help from the Falcons coaching staff and their “look at us, we just smoked a bunch of crack before the game ended” clock management style) was some exciting-ass football. Hoyer lead the boys down the field, they made a great few throws, and got them a chip-shot field goal as time expired to get the win. I don’t know about you guys, but I was either shitting in diapers or not even a thought of my parents yet since the Browns have been able to win games like that. Billy did his job, and we can’t complain about “field goal results” when one of them was for the win.

The running game certainly didn’t miss one Benjamin Tate, as Crow shined in the spotlight and West looked pretty good as well. Hey, 5.6 YPC and 162 rushing yards with 2 scores? Couldn’t ask for much more out of a Rookie backfield getting their first real chance to shine.

Josh looked as though he hadn’t missed a step while he was under suspension. Gotta believe the kid has his head on straight, at least for the rest of the season, as he made an immediate impact. Not only by leading the team in catches and yards, but also gobbling up defenders which opened the field up for Miles Austin and Andrew Hawkins. Not a bad showing out of those guys.

Losing Gipson HURTS. Dude was leading the NFL in INT’s, having a Pro-Bowl year, in the last year of his contract. Absolutely heartbreaking. I don’t see why the Browns wouldn’t wrap him up long-term, but it does make sense for them to be cautious in how much money they drop on him. Joe had his standard Joe Haden game yesterday, and the Browns D in all looked pretty good. K’wuan Williams is shaping up to be a nice replacement for Gipson who is likely done for the year.

So much hate for this Browns team coming from folks who just want to see a new guy in there at quarterback. Does it scare you that the Browns might have a great season and only start one guy at QB the entire year? I understand. We were shitting in diapers the last time that happened. I don’t care if he’s Derek Anderson, I don’t care if his stats aren’t pretty. I don’t care if he’s not the most popular selling jersey in the NFL. I don’t care. Brian Hoyer is this team’s quarterback, you either support it our you don’t. Otherwise you’re just a bandwagon Johnny Manziel fan that got excited about TMZ being at our practices rather than the bottom line stat that matters the most: wins. 

4-1 in their last 5 games.

C’mon guys, woof woof!

ON TO BUFFALO.

 

Marisa Martin Jokes About FSU Shooting Last Night, Promptly Says She Got Her Account Hacked. UPDATE: She’s from Cleveland…Of Course

 

Update: Of COURSE. OF FUCKING COURSE she’s from Cleveland. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS

 

I want to make one thing abundantly clear: people say they “get hacked” all the time. Leaving your phone unattended or making your password “Password1” doesn’t mean you got hacked, it means you are fucking stupid and you don’t deserve nice things.

I’ve never heard of Marisa Martin or know why her opinion matters, but apparently she’s a “young aspiring journalist for ESPNU Campus Connection,” a subsidiary of ESPN which I’m sure barely anyone knew existed. So strong of her to “stand by her opinions” though. Such a strong example of female sports journalism and how it resonates loudly with the masses. There are people who take Journalism seriously. I know people who are journalists who studied long and hard to get where they are, doing what they love. This bitch is outside her fucking mind though and she definitely doesn’t deserve to use the “I got hacked” excuse. Either one of two things went down, you either actually said those things yourself and you’re just trying to cover your fuck up, or you actually did get “hacked,” (ie: someone picked up your unlocked phone or guessed your password of “marisa1”). Either way you should be fired for being an inconsiderate bitch who thinks the first amendment means you can say whatever the fuck you want whenever you want it without repercussions, or you’re entirely incompetent of being a journalist or to have a twitter account, really.

Bet she loses her internship or whatever this is and Jezebel/BuzzFeed are waiting at the door with offer sheets in hand.

The Columbus Blue Jackets BOOM ROASTED ESPN Last Night On Twitter

OHHHHH BURRRRRN

I guess there would be a bit more venom behind it if NHL teams didn’t have to quirkily tweet at ESPN in order to gain some kind of publicity.

Here’s an excerpt from Forbes about comparing the NBA (which ESPN covers a LOT of) and the NHL:

Let’s face it, the NHL and hockey in general just isn’t as popular a sport as the rabid hockey hungry people think it is. I never played hockey growing up, and being from Cleveland, I never had a professional hockey team to care about. I won’t go out of my way to watch hockey. Is it a good sport? No one is arguing that, of course it is. Is it as entertaining as the NFL/NBA? 1000% not.

There’s many reasons for this, but the leading one is definitely the demographic discrepancy. Who does hockey appeal to other than white people who have played hockey at any level at some point in their lives? Without googling the actual statistic, I’d guesstimate that approximately 0% of the black and latino populations watch NHL hockey. Why the fuck would ESPN want to cover something ad nauseam that the same amount of shitty-diaper kids who watch Spongebob give a shit about? Yes, it’s a money thing. There are 24 hours a day in programming that ESPN has to fill and as a business they have to cover what the people want. Don’t want to see Lebron highlights and analysis? Stop fucking tweeting about it and clicking on their links? Ever heard the phrase “any publicity is good publicity?” Newsflash, idiots: they base their programming and what games they cover on what the people are talking about. Think ESPN sees your “who gives a fuck” tweet when they post a Lebron story? Nope! You’re just a number like the rest of us. They don’t take into account your #SidneyCrosby4Ever tweets before it either. A cog to make the money machine go, and you’re just feeding them more and more.

Personally, though, I like hockey. I think it’s a cool, fast paced sport, and who doesn’t love big hits and fights and everything else. The thing that drives me away from hockey, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, is the bullshit, pretentious, narrow-minded sub-human known as the hockey hardo. The one who points out every negative action in any sport, and immediately incorrectly compares it to the NHL. The person who takes basketball, a mostly non-contact sport, and calls anyone who plays it a pussy and soft. Hey fuckface: Just because you couldn’t catch or throw a ball growing up or because mommy and daddy had thousands of dollars to spend on all the gear you still carry around 20 years after it stopped fitting you doesn’t make any sport inferior to your sport of choice. Want people to like your sport? Try not making it some exclusive old boy’s club where if you’ve never played it you’re a pussy and a duster. Get over yourselves. Try making the game more accessible at a young age for kids. Try educating people new to the game rather than shunning them because they’ve never lost a tooth after getting blindsided by the other team’s goon. Most importantly, though, make the game more appealing to other people besides upper-middle class frat boys who “played puck in high school” and “would have gotten drafted if it weren’t for this bum shoulder, bro.”

So, to the people freaking out about Hockey coverage on ESPN, keep firing those tweets about how stupid basketball, soccer, baseball, NASCAR, and football are. I’m sure ESPN can hear you over the sound of the cash coming out of their assholes from every other sport they cover.

 

 

 

Corey Kluber Wins The 2014 AL Cy Young Award

18-9, 2.44 ERA, 235.2 IP, one of the most unhittable breaking balls in the game, that wins you a Cy Young, Mr. Klubot!

The best part of all of this is that the Indians have him locked up until 2019 making $514,000/year. This is great for Kluber and great for the Indians, as it puts pressure on the front office to drastically improve the lineup. That’s a conversation for another day as I don’t think my brain could feasibly take any abuse right now given the state of Cleveland sports, but it’ll happen eventually.

Also, Klube’s wife posted this on twitter after he got announced as the winner — adorbs

 

OH, and I forgot to mention his 2nd in MLB performance in the strikeout department during this Cy Young Award winning season:

 

 You can use your imagination as to how many strikeouts the Klubot had this year.

Lebron Drops Triple Double, Hugs Kyrie, Our Pets Heads Have Stopped Falling Off

(Photo by David Kyle, NBAE via Getty Images)

Not a bad night for the home team! Lebron with a (standard) triple double, Kyrie with 32/5/9, this was the best the Cavs have played all year against the most dominant big man in the league so far. Not bat at all. The defense looked shaky from the get go, but once the Cavs play full games like they do the second half of last night, look out. That score could be a whole lot more lopsided.

Ryan Anderson absolutely picked us apart. The guy is a role player bench guy who dropped 32 on us without ever batting an eye. 8/12 from three, 11/19 on FG attempts, get the hell outta here. The guy was unconscious last night. Davis also picked up the pace in the second half as well, and there is no doubt that he will someday pass Lebron as the most dominant player in the NBA…but not yet, young blood.

What was apparent last night though was that something happened in that locker room at halftime and the Cavs came out guns blazing. Lebron took over control of the game which is something he’ll need to do in order to get Kyrie and Kevin good looks and more movement off the ball. Awww, our boys are growing up right before our very eyes!

Cavs next game is in Boston on Friday at the Garden. Can’t wait. Nothing like sticking it to Boston as they’ve oh-so-eloquently been bashing every single move Cleveland has made since this summer. “Yeah Cleveland might have gotten that scumbag Lebron back and that wicked idiot Kevin Love but they both couldn’t hold Tom Brady’s cleats if they tried, do they even know what a freakin’ dynasty is?”

Veteran’s Day

 

Today is Veteran’s Day. A day we remember those who gave their time, minds, bodies, and in some cases, lives for the betterment of everyone in this country. We all have different political leans, ideologies, etc. of how things in this country should work. We take to twitter to complain of the ignorant, and praise those who do good. The troops are people who do not have much of a say in that. Their service is called upon and they fulfill their tasks without hesitation or question. They give up the years we are off in college, or living the bachelor life shortly after so that all walks of life that make up the 400,000,000 of us can wake up in the morning and do what they want, to live life the way they intend, most of the time without thanks. These people are heroes, and give us all reason to be grateful that we are residents in the greatest country on the planet.

Thank you to all the veterans. What you’ve done with your lives is far more admirable than most of us, and today is a reminder that what you’ve done for us is a far greater sacrifice than most of us will make in our entire lives.

My veteran is Nick Mangino, Air Force, Korean War. Thanks for everything you did to make this country the best place on Earth, Grandpa.

Bungles Gonna Bungle As Browns Move To 6-3 (9-3 Under Hoyer)

Man! #2014 #CadiacKids #WeTooLive

A video posted by Phil Taylor (@philtaylor98) on Oct 10, 2014 at 1:46pm PDT

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Man! #2014 #CadiacKids #WeTooLive

A post shared by Phil Taylor (@philtaylor98) on Oct 5, 2014 at 1:46pm PDT

So…I think it’s time to put this to rest. Johnny Manziel will not be out starting quarterback this year, which is perfectly fine.

Because the Browns are WINNING games. You never fix what isn’t broken.

Brian Hoyer isn’t the prettiest QB in the game. He’s not Johnny Football. But he wins games, and that’s what the Browns need right now, including Johnny.

Now that I got my mandatory Johnny Manziel disclaimer out of the way, that was one of the best football games I’ve seen the Browns play literally ever. Outside of the abysmal return game, and Brian’s 1 (one) interception, that was about as good as that team has looked all season. They FINALLY used the RB by committee method, which worked beautifully against the Bengals D. They took advantage of a hurting team and did what good teams do — get on them early and finish them off.

West, Tate, and Crow all played great which opened up Hoyer’s passing game. He looked comfortable in the pocket, and had no problem zipping the ball all over the field with huge winds throughout the entire game. He looked efficient and more importantly, like a winner last night. Brian currently leads the league in: Game winning drives, Yards per completion, Comeback wins, and also is in the top ten of NFL QB’s in Passing yards (10), yards per attempt (8), and interception rate (6). I don’t know, guys. That seems pretty good to me, and I don’t think there’s a single team in the NFL that would bench him for a rookie. That’s just me (and every single GM and HC in the NFL). The Browns QB situation is one that they have a guy who is on another galaxy right now in terms of winning games and efficiency, while our backup is a future stud. Name another Browns team in the past 20 years where that was the case, you can’t.

The Defense were the real MVP’s of that game though. 4 takeaways is huge for a D that was getting burned by Mike Glennon and the Bucs less than a week ago (*shmoney dance* WEEK AGO). Haden shut AJ Green down (per usual), Gilbert made some nice plays while he was in, and the D-Line DOMINATED Cincy’s offensive line. Football is won and lost on the line, and both offense and defensive lines of the Browns tore up Cincy’s counterparts. Don’t even need to mention Andy Dalton as he was historically ginger bad and made the Browns D’s night very easy.

Overall, it was a great team win and they should enjoy this half-bye week as they don’t play until next Sunday. No doubt in my mind they’ll be ready for Houston’s D and Arian Foster.

 

PS: #SomeoneIsGonnaPay stat line: 1 reception (4 targets), 8 yards. You really showed us, Greg!

PPS: Jeremy Hill “they were worse than I thought” has got to be the best response anyone has ever given after a loss. Pure comedy.

 

#ONTOHOUSTON

 

Tribe Sign Tito To A 2-Year Extension, Club Options For 2019 and 2020

 

I like Tito. He belongs in the playoffs. I hope the Front Office does something this offseason to get him there, and this underperforming team from last year gets their shit together. Kansas City making the playoffs? Kansas City making the World Series? Kansas fucking City? C’mon guys.